Can't bear this

Bear cub sat in the Ice and snow
Pondering his life
One worrisome thought kept cropping up
And caused particular strife

He went looking for his mother
To put his mind at ease
He wandered out his icy cave
Into the arctic breeze

He found his mum upon the ice
And told her of his woe
“Mum, am I a grizzly bear,
I’d really like to know”

“Of course you’re not a grizzly bear
You couldn’t be more wrong
You’re a Polar bear, just like me
Big and white and strong”

“Well, maybe I’m a panda,
Or a black bear from the east
With lustrous fur, and mighty arms
A truly magnificient beast”

“You are no Panda, or bear of black
Why don’t you believe what you’re told?”
“Because mum, if I’m a polar bear,
Why am I so f**in’ cold!”

A little something for halloween

I woke up in a cold, cold sweat
Malevolence pervaded the atmosphere
My heart was pounding. My nerves afire
“Something evil is coming here!”

I tried to follow my same routine
Shower, shave, head off to work
But my hands were shaking, a nervous wreck
My self-control coming unstuck

Somehow I made it through the day
I can’t believe I didn’t crack
Jumping at shadows, and trembling legs
I thought I’d have a heart attack

Returning home felt like a trip to hell
I could feel its presence in every room
My heart leapt as my doorbell rang
The sound of my impending doom

I approached the door like the condemned man
I could feel the evil, the foulness, the WRONG!
And there it stood in front of me
“Hello mum, are you staying long?”




Sorry Mum!

Ghost in My bedroom

It's amazing the excuses your kids will use!




There’s a Ghost in my Bedroom
That no one can see
He makes such a mess
Then mum blames me.

There’s a Ghost in the Bathroom
He drops clothes on the floor
Leaves the top off the toothpaste
And fingermarks on the door.

There’s a Ghost in our kitchen
And he’s greedy I think
All the biscuits are eaten
And there’s crumbs in the sink.

There’s a Ghost in my Classroom
And he’s been there too long
For he changes my schoolwork
And makes it all wrong

There are Ghosts all around me
They must rise up from their Graves
For I never cause trouble
And I always behave

But at night when I’m sleeping
Or just lying in Bed
They are nowhere to be found
Cos they’re back in my Head!

Bonny Scotland!

Excuse me for treating the Blog like a football forum (soccer my @rse!) but we just beat the mighty France in what could be said to be our greatest ever result!

To be fair, the french pummelled us in the first half without scoring. In the second half the old Scots spirit shone through and we scored. What followed after was 15 minutes that seemed longer than one of Tom's medleys! Fingernails bitten down to the 2nd knuckle and 3 changes of underwear later and victory.

ALLEZ ECOSSE. Qui a mangé tous les escargots ?