A little something for halloween

I woke up in a cold, cold sweat
Malevolence pervaded the atmosphere
My heart was pounding. My nerves afire
“Something evil is coming here!”

I tried to follow my same routine
Shower, shave, head off to work
But my hands were shaking, a nervous wreck
My self-control coming unstuck

Somehow I made it through the day
I can’t believe I didn’t crack
Jumping at shadows, and trembling legs
I thought I’d have a heart attack

Returning home felt like a trip to hell
I could feel its presence in every room
My heart leapt as my doorbell rang
The sound of my impending doom

I approached the door like the condemned man
I could feel the evil, the foulness, the WRONG!
And there it stood in front of me
“Hello mum, are you staying long?”




Sorry Mum!

Ghost in My bedroom

It's amazing the excuses your kids will use!




There’s a Ghost in my Bedroom
That no one can see
He makes such a mess
Then mum blames me.

There’s a Ghost in the Bathroom
He drops clothes on the floor
Leaves the top off the toothpaste
And fingermarks on the door.

There’s a Ghost in our kitchen
And he’s greedy I think
All the biscuits are eaten
And there’s crumbs in the sink.

There’s a Ghost in my Classroom
And he’s been there too long
For he changes my schoolwork
And makes it all wrong

There are Ghosts all around me
They must rise up from their Graves
For I never cause trouble
And I always behave

But at night when I’m sleeping
Or just lying in Bed
They are nowhere to be found
Cos they’re back in my Head!

Bonny Scotland!

Excuse me for treating the Blog like a football forum (soccer my @rse!) but we just beat the mighty France in what could be said to be our greatest ever result!

To be fair, the french pummelled us in the first half without scoring. In the second half the old Scots spirit shone through and we scored. What followed after was 15 minutes that seemed longer than one of Tom's medleys! Fingernails bitten down to the 2nd knuckle and 3 changes of underwear later and victory.

ALLEZ ECOSSE. Qui a mangé tous les escargots ?

Wedding poem

I remember as a young lad asking my teacher how you would go about becoming a poet. She told me to go home, take all my clothes off and stand close to a roaring fire until my "Rabbie" Burns!

you all know by now that myself and Kay are getting married in December and the day can't come quick enough. I thought I'd pen a tribute to my beautiful Irish girl (in a Burns style).

My Bonny Lass

My darlin' Kay, my bonny lass
I'd ne'er let a day go past
Wi'oot your face upon mine eyes
and on your love my sun does rise

My sweetest girl, my heart, my life
And soon tae be my darlin' wife
My very soul belongs to thee
And all my whole I give tae ye

We'll walk together for all our days
We two as one in every way
Oor lives entwined, nae man can sever
You and me, now and forever

So darlin' Kay, I ken your mine
My precious rose, my sweetest wine
Oor love so strong, knows no defeat
With you my life at last complete.